Bullying
-Danish Qasim 6/19/17
Bullying is not a conflict – it’s assault
One big myth of bullying is that it is a conflict thus it requires conflict resolution. That would be true if bullying was a misunderstanding or miscommunication. It’s not. It’s an attack. When somebody walking down the street is mugged, you do not ask both sides what they could have done differently.
The attacker knows that he is attacking. It is predacious behavior. Bullying is the same way. Adults know which behavior is acceptable and which behavior is not. This is why they are selective in whom they bully. Ask yourself why big donors don’t see the same behavior young volunteers or students see. That is because religious abusers know what they are doing- they are not insane and just shout all the time. There’s a strategy to break people down.
This is very difficult for most people to understand, including many mental health professionals. Manipulation expert Dr. George K Simon explains that “This is largely because we’ve been pre-programmed to believe that people only exhibit problem behaviors when they’re ‘troubled’ inside or anxious about something. We’ve also been taught that people aggress only when they’re attacked in some way. So, even when our gut tells us that somebody is attacking us and for no good reason, or merely trying to overpower us, we don’t readily accept the notions” (23). Manipulators know that most people will begin to wonder what they did wrong rather than recognizing the behavior as manipulative and aggressive. This is why it’s easy for them to shame and guilt innocent people and always keep them on edge.
We must understand that these attacks are unwarranted and not reactions. They are proactive predatory aggressions. They know what they are doing: https://www.drgeorgesimon.com/they-know-what-theyre-doing/
How the Bully Uses Third Parties for Aid
We have a difficult time processing that there are people who maliciously attack and bully others for personal gain. As Muslims we want to see the good in everyone and give the best interpretation to events. Common myths also have us believe that bullying is a result of insecurity or pain, thus it can be treated by treating the insecurity or healing the pain. This belief makes people easy targets for narcissists.
In religious manipulation, the bully is especially skilled in emotionally manipulating into his triad of abuse, where the empathetic person, the one willing to call out the bullying behavior is targeted. Although the empath is the one standing up for principle, he is the first to face problems. Having witnesses should work in the favor of the empath, but they are used as tools to single him out and make him the lone fighter.
I know of many cases where the shaykh is also a family friend and will reach out to siblings and parents of his target. He will ask the parents “why is your son so distant from me? We were so close, I miss him.” The parents who most of the time do not understand the complexities of manipulation themselves take the comments for face value and ask their children why aren’t they seeing shaykh so and so anymore. Ahmad, 23 years old, told me that “When I told them that the shaykh just yells at me, gives me orders, and belittles me, my parents tell me that I should respect my teacher and that he misses me. They tell me that I should respect my teacher.”
Ahmad’s appeals fall on deaf ears as he tries to persuade his parents that he is being targeted and marginalized.
His parents are unable to deal with the shaykh being a predator. Their world view doesn’t allow them to believe someone who is charming and espouses morality would consciously malign and hurt someone else for personal gain.
This is a common scenario unfortunately, people closest to the target help the abuser in his or her cause.
Now the narcissist can talk to the apath, and blame the empath for not being able to forgive, for making him feel like a terrible human, and not being a team player.
For more on manipulation dynamics, please read: https://www.sott.net/article/268449-Empathic-people-are-natural-targets-for-sociopaths-protect-yourself