Advice for Mothers on Worshipping in the Last 10 nights 

By Ustadha Ammarah Bholat

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

Ramadan is a time to spiritually cleanse ourselves, to build our taqwa, get rewards and blessings, and build a stronger connection with Allah. Of the days and nights of Ramadan, the most valuable are the last ten, with the greatest night of all being Laylatul Qadr. Worship on these nights gives us the opportunity to earn more rewards than we could in an entire lifetime.

We all look forward to experiencing the last 10 nights. We carefully plan and set high goals before they begin. However, some mothers are disappointed when they realize how difficult it is to get some time for ibadah (worship), especially when faced with an overwhelming amount of chores and managing children. 

As mothers, we may ask, “what about my spiritual health, my connection with Allah?”

It’s important to remind ourselves that we also have to dedicate time for our ibadah. If we neglect our spiritual selves completely it could have a devastating effect on our faith. Furthermore, children will learn from our own examples, and when they see us prioritizing worship they also grow in veneration for acts of worship. 

We must avoid going into excess of just spending time doing chores to the point where we treat chores as more important than our religious obligations and spiritual growth. Although it can be hard to find the time and energy to make the most of these days, do not lose hope. There are still many ways that we as mothers can increase in ibadah and benefit from the last ten days of Ramadan.

1. Make a plan and set a routine

Structure your time so you are not haphazardly going about your days and just trying to fit worship in. Things will come up, but if you have a strong intention and firm routine, inshallah you will be able to maintain it. 

Imam Ghazali explains in The Beginning of Guidance:

“Your time should not be without any structure, such that you occupy yourself arbitrarily with whatever comes along. Rather, you must take account of yourself and order your worship during the day and the night, assigning to each period of time an activity that must not be neglected nor replaced by another activity.”

Have a simple meal plan ready for the next few days. It’s important to get all family members on board. I recommend setting up a family meeting with all members before the last 10 nights begin. Have some activities set out for your children also. Look through your schedule and find the time that your children are most calm and dedicate that time for worship. 

2. Even small moments matter 

As mothers many times we tend to wait for that large chunk of time where we have no distractions. We can all agree that this type of opportunity rarely comes! So instead of waiting, take every opportunity you find. If you can’t read one chapter, read half. If you can’t complete that then even one page. But don’t deprive yourself of good actions all together. The fiqh principle is that, “If something cannot be done completely, it should not be left completely.”

So whenever free of pressing responsibilities, even if only for a short amount of time, engage in worship. Even if you manage to only read a verse of the Quran it is worth it!

3. Make a Duaa List

During these final moments of Ramadan, we should pour our hearts out to Allah (swt) as much as possible. After an exhausting day it may become very difficult to remember our duaas. Set aside some time to write a detailed duaa list and have that on hand during the last 10 nights. 

4. Involve your kids 

Have your children pick out different acts of worship that you can engage in together.

The Prophet ﷺ said, “Whoever points to the good has the reward of the one who performs it” (Muslim). Even if it seems that teaching your child Surah Fatiha is something small compared to others who are completing multiple Quran recitations remember that every good action you teach your child is a continuous sadaqah being recorded for you. You are also setting the tone in your home for the importance of worshipping Allah. What greater thing can a person do than raise a believing and God-fearing soul in love with Allah and his Messenger?  

5. Increase in Dhikr

Engaging in dhikr and reciting Quran that we have memorized while doing our household duties will allow us to remain occupied in worship and will also bring barakah into our homes. If you are a nursing mother, engage in dhikr and reciting Quran while nursing your child.  This will have a positive spiritual impact on your children.

 6. Don’t be shy to ask for help!

If you have family support, find times in the day where you can count on your family to help with the children. Parenting is a shared responsibility between both parents. Allah tells us to have a spirit of helping one another in attaining piety (Quran 5:2). The most important people to help are your own family, and keeping meal plans simple, sharing household chores, and time with the children is a great example of helping one another in attaining piety.  Asking for help will help prevent us from being burned out.

7. Keep a positive mindset

Not everyone will have help around the house, and some will have to work while fasting and taking care of children alone.  We can take inspiration from Fatimah, the daughter of the Prophet ﷺ. She spent a large portion of her time handling household chores and raising her five children. There is a reason why the Prophet ﷺ  described her as the “Queen of All the Women in Paradise.” So if you ever feel overwhelmed or disheartened by not being able to worship as much as you wanted, remember that paradise is attainable through multiple paths. It’s not easy to go through Ramadan, while everyone is busy with worship, and you’re so occupied with your children. It’s easy to become disheartened when we feel we are not reaching our goals.

Ramadan while raising children and breastfeeding is not easy at all. However, remind yourself that as a mother you’re on a special route of worship. Don’t be disheartened if you aren’t able to achieve all your Ramadan goals. Your child may require nursing throughout the night, and you may not read all the Quran you wanted, but you are doing a great service for your child by nursing.

Have faith that Allah won’t allow your tears, your effort, your exhaustion, and your good intentions go to waste in Ramadan.

 

Related article: Worshipping While Menstruating During the Last 10 Nights of Ramadan

To contact Ustadah Ammarah and to learn more about her classes please email ammarahbholat@gmail.com 

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Ustadha Ammarah was born and raised in Los Angeles CA. At a young age she travelled to England to pursue an Alimiyyah degree in Islamic Sciences. Over the next 6 years she studied Tafsir, Hadith, Fiqh, Aqeedah, Usul (foundations of jurisprudence), Arabic Grammar and gained guidance from many esteemed scholars of England. During this time she received ijazaat from scholars in the Islamic Sciences with isnād (a linked chain of the prophetic traditions from herself to the Prophet) in numerous books of hadith. Since then she has been involved in teaching Islamic Studies and lecturing in various mosques across the Bay Area.